For what am I thankful? For what are you?

Yesterday, as I drove through my town, I saw signs that someone had posted. They read, "What are you thankful for?" In recent months, I've not felt thankful. In fact, I've wanted to be anti-thankful. I've questioned, "Lord, what do I have to be thankful for? I left a good job to try something new, and it was a mess. Now, I have no job. My health has been poor. My family is struggling. My grandfather died. My husband's industry is in the tank, and his 100% commission-based income is dwindling. What if we cannot pay our bills? ...and on and on and on..."

As you know, I've been in a process of trying to enjoy life, rather than just survive it. I guess, I need to be grateful for what I do have in life, too... trying to avoid the "thank you nots" and try to focus on the things for which I can be thankful. Sometimes, even trying to find five things for which to be thankful can be difficult, but I've heard (and read) that if you can find just a few things for which to be thankful each day, your perspective on life can drastically change, as can your overall happiness.

David Cain is the owner/creator of the website Raptitude.com. One of his articles is entitled How to Be Grateful When You Don't Feel Like It. (http://www.raptitude.com/2009/05/how-to-be-grateful-when-you-dont-feel-like-it/) In the article, David makes an interesting point:

Whether we’re grateful for something or not depends on whether we feel entitled
to it. Anything we view as a right, has a tendency to not feel like a privilege,
when in reality, all ‘rights’ are indeed privileges. ...The illusion of
entitlement makes us blind to the millions of terrible things that aren’t
happening to us. We calibrate what is worthy and unworthy of
thankfulness by what we are used to having.

So, then, how do I/we make this gratefulness/thankfulness thing work? Times are tough; people are struggling (I am struggling); the future holds more questions than answers. Here's something I found, which I am going to work on adapting into my life. It comes from the UK PSYBLOG website article entitled Better Mood From Gratitude: 2 Minute Exercise (http://www.spring.org.uk/2008/12/better-mood-from-gratitude-2-minute.php). The article states:

Convinced by the research? Well, even if you're not, the beauty of this
exercise is that it's so easy that it shouldn't even be called exercise. All you
need is enough time - as little as two minutes - to think of three things that
you are grateful for: that benefit you and without which your life would be
poorer. Then, if you've got time, you can think about the causes for these good
things. And that's it.

The danger is that this exercise seems so trivial that it isn't worth
doing. But consider this: people are constantly worrying about things they don't
have or things that haven't happened, consequently they rarely take stock of the
beneficial things that they do have and good things that have already happened.
If it's possible for even the simplest negative thought to provoke a change in
mood, then why not a positive grateful thought as well?
If you find it
difficult to get going, here are some suggestions for things, but it's better to
think of your own:

• I don't have a headache today.


• I had a good lunch.


• I have my family.


• My new socks keep my feet warm.


• I made a joke and people laughed (got to take whatever I can
  get!).

...some of these are on the trivial side but no grain of thankfulness is too
small once you've exhausted the usual suspects.

You can try experimenting with carrying out this exercise weekly or even
daily depending on how you feel. If the exercise starts to lose its power this
could be because of habituation - try to be creative with your gratitude. I'll
be posting on PsyBlog next week to remind you to exercise your gratitude (and to
remind me as well!).

So... here's my list of things for which I am thankful today:

1. I am thankful for the GREAT cup of coffee I had today - Vanilla Nut.


2. I am thankful for the time I got to spend with my nephew at the park - we even went on the swings together.


3. I am thankful for the opportunity I had to take a couple of great pictures.


4. I am thankful for my washer and dryer. It's good to be able to get clean, fresh clothes in a relatively short period of time.


5. I am thankful for the sun. It feels so good, when it shines on my body and warms me on a cool day.

Okay... I've listed my five things for the day. What are yours?

Journey to Enjoying Life

When I last wrote, I listed six tips to enjoying life. They included:

1. Appreciate Beauty
2. Connect With Nature
3. Laugh
4. Have Simple Pleasures
5. Connect With People
6. Learn

It's been a few days since I assigned myself the task of applying some of these tips to my life, and I must say it's been a fun experience. By no means am I perfect at any of it, yet, but I am trying to keep myself open to the items on the list.

I think the easiest on the list for me has been task #1 - Appreciating Beauty. All I have to do is think, "What would make a beautiful picture?" and I seem to be able to find many beautiful things. This week, the autumn colors in the leaves really drew me in. Since Monday, I wanted to go out and take pictures, but until today, I had not been able to get out and explore. Today, I spent about 30 minutes out and about with my camera, and this afternoon, I had fun playing around with the pictures that I took. In doing this, I also worked on task #6 - Learning, because I used Google Picassa for the very first time. My pictures turned out great!

I also am working on task #5 - Connecting With People. For me, this is one of the hardest. I like people, but I am a home body. I don't like to go out a lot. I didn't used to be that way, but with my health the way it has been in recent years, I have become more and more that way. But, on Saturday night, I went to a high school band review. I also had my mom and my grandma over for lunch, today. Additionally, I volunteered to babysit my friend's two young children (2 1/2 and infant) for a few hours next week, so she could have lunch with her mom. Tonight, I will be going to a volleyball game at the school, where I used to work. This may not sound like a challenge to many people, but for me, this is progress.

Task #4 - Having Simple Pleasures - has been interesting. I've been trying to save money, so instead of getting coffee at my local donut shop each day, I've been making it at home. The nice thing is that I've been able to share it with my husband. We don't necessarily have coffee together, but it's nice to be able to bring him a cup and let him feel loved.

I've also ventured into doing more cooking. I know how to cook, but when I work outside of the home, I'm usually too tired to cook. This week, I've used new recipes to make a great macaroni and cheese with a turkey breast, baked pork chops, and French Dip sandwiches. I have a new chicken breast and pork loin recipe to try later this week. I learned (Task #6) the real way to chop an onion, though I almost cut off my finger! I have found that I'm actually good at cooking. I still have to use a recipe, but at least I haven't burned or ruined anything!

I would say that Task #3 - Laughter - has still been my biggest challenge. As I relax in life and begin to unwind, de-stress, and find myself, I think I will find my laugh. I laughed a lot during my trip to France this summer, but I hadn't laughed for years before that, nor have I laughed much since I got home. I'm working on this one... I just gotta find it!

Where are you on your journey? I'd love to hear and support you on your trek!

Until next time... keep making lemonade!

The Path to Enjoying Life

Lemons, lemons, lemons... Why does everything in life right now seem to be lemons?

I want to do more than survive life, I want to live it. But, living life right now seems difficult: highly educated, yet unable to find a job; a mind that wants to do many things, but a body that doesn't want to cooperate; a desire for emotional health and wealth, when feeling emotionally drained. I just seem to be surviving day by day, and I barely seem to be doing that. How can I transition from surviving life and all of its ups and downs to living and enjoying life? How can I do this without relying on other people, their thoughts and opinions, etc... How can I do this in spite of other people, their actions or inactions, their thoughts and opinions, etc... If there is an answer out there, I want to find it.

While researching how to enjoy life, I found some of the following tips. This week, I am going to find a way to adapt them into my life, and I'll be blogging on my experiences in the journey. I encourage you to do the same. Here are a few of the tips I found:

1. Appreciate Beauty
2. Connect With Nature
3. Laugh
4. Have Simple Pleasures
5. Connect With People
6. Learn

How are you doing in meeting the items listed in this "living life" list? Can anything in it help make your life better? In looking at the list, what challenges do you see that you will have to overcome? For me, I see challenges in numbers three and five. When I am struggling in life (or surviving it, rather than living it), I rarely laugh, and I don't like to be around people.

These six tips are going to lay out the path I am choosing to follow this week. I'll tell you about my journey, and I hope you'll tell me about yours. Here's to enjoying and living life!

Christmas Cookies and Cupcakes

I had lunch with a good friend of mine, yesterday. During our lunch, she asked me to review a flyer she was making in order to sell some of her fabulous Christmas cookies this year. She also asked me about the prices of her homemade cookies: was the price she listed too much, not enough, etc... Our conversation about the price of cookies included a conversation about a local cupcake shop, which charges $2.50 for a single homemade cupcake.

Is $2.50 a lot for a cupcake? Yes.

Will people pay $2.50 for a cupcake? Yes.

Why? Because they believe the cost is worth paying for the quality of the product.

The whole topic of Christmas Cookies and Cupcakes got me to thinking about self-worth. What determines the value of my self-worth? Do I rely on what others think about me, or do I place a high value on myself, which translates well to others? If the cupcake shop owner would've asked me if I thought $2.50 was too much for her cupcakes, I would've said yes, and yet, I paid $2.50 a cupcake for 12 cupcakes, when I walked into her shop a few days ago. Why did I pay that much? Because that is the value she placed on her cupcakes. And, I believed her.

This self-worth issue is one I've been dealing with a lot, recently. Several months ago, I left a very good job as a high school teacher in order to take on a job as a high school teacher in a brand new charter school in my area. Only after resigning my previous job and having that job filled did the truth about my new job present itself; it was going to be a nightmare! After only three weeks on the new job, I ended up in the Emergency Room of my local hospital with Premature Ventricular Contractions because of the stress. I had to take a month of medical leave to get the condition under control, only to learn that the way to reduce the damage to my health would be to leave my job.

I felt like such a failure. I couldn't survive this job? How did I fall for their lies? How could I have been duped by these people? Why did I leave my other job, which was a good job? How could I do this to my family? I'm such a loser... or, at least that's what I bought into. I was allowing the job and the lack of success I found in that situation (and the ensuing unemployment situation) to determine my value. When I tried to get support from people in leadership, and they either failed to step in or failed to accomplish much, I took their lack of action or abilities as a direct reflection of my self-worth. In retrospect, I don't really care what most of them think, nor do I really value most of their opinions, and yet I let their actions determine how I felt about myself.

So, if the opinions and actions of others don't define me and my self-worth, then what do? Other answers immediately come to mind, but not necessarily the right answers: my education, my home, my car, my family, etc... But isn't that just replacing two evils with a bunch of others? Why am I not just happy with myself and not let others define who I am, should be, or my worth? Then, there is the religious/faith aspect to things that states that it is He, who defines my value. Some days, that brings me comfort; others, not so much. Case in point, my recent employment situation. I find myself saying, "If God really loved me, then why would He allow this to happen to me?" I'm not saying that there's not truth to the argument that God defines my worth, and that as His child I am priceless, but sometimes, it's difficult to actually recognize that.

I read the following about identity and life change on a website today. Maybe I confuse identity with self worth. Read on:

"Change happens to all of us. We will experience physical and mental growth, personal experiences, and changing social situations that will affect our identity. Identity is a person’s sense of placement in the world -- that which tethers us to our self-worth. Our identity can easily be over-inflated when our self-worth is miscalculated. It is healthy to remember, as we mature and circumstances change, that we are not bound by how other people evaluate us."
(http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/self-worth.htm)

As I continue through this journey of reflection after this recent job fiasco, and just life in general, I am sure I will revisit this topic. In the meantime, I'd love to hear what others have to say about self-worth, identity, etc...

Until the lemons stop falling from the tree, I will do my best to continue to make lemonade...

Amanda