Christmas Cookies and Cupcakes

I had lunch with a good friend of mine, yesterday. During our lunch, she asked me to review a flyer she was making in order to sell some of her fabulous Christmas cookies this year. She also asked me about the prices of her homemade cookies: was the price she listed too much, not enough, etc... Our conversation about the price of cookies included a conversation about a local cupcake shop, which charges $2.50 for a single homemade cupcake.

Is $2.50 a lot for a cupcake? Yes.

Will people pay $2.50 for a cupcake? Yes.

Why? Because they believe the cost is worth paying for the quality of the product.

The whole topic of Christmas Cookies and Cupcakes got me to thinking about self-worth. What determines the value of my self-worth? Do I rely on what others think about me, or do I place a high value on myself, which translates well to others? If the cupcake shop owner would've asked me if I thought $2.50 was too much for her cupcakes, I would've said yes, and yet, I paid $2.50 a cupcake for 12 cupcakes, when I walked into her shop a few days ago. Why did I pay that much? Because that is the value she placed on her cupcakes. And, I believed her.

This self-worth issue is one I've been dealing with a lot, recently. Several months ago, I left a very good job as a high school teacher in order to take on a job as a high school teacher in a brand new charter school in my area. Only after resigning my previous job and having that job filled did the truth about my new job present itself; it was going to be a nightmare! After only three weeks on the new job, I ended up in the Emergency Room of my local hospital with Premature Ventricular Contractions because of the stress. I had to take a month of medical leave to get the condition under control, only to learn that the way to reduce the damage to my health would be to leave my job.

I felt like such a failure. I couldn't survive this job? How did I fall for their lies? How could I have been duped by these people? Why did I leave my other job, which was a good job? How could I do this to my family? I'm such a loser... or, at least that's what I bought into. I was allowing the job and the lack of success I found in that situation (and the ensuing unemployment situation) to determine my value. When I tried to get support from people in leadership, and they either failed to step in or failed to accomplish much, I took their lack of action or abilities as a direct reflection of my self-worth. In retrospect, I don't really care what most of them think, nor do I really value most of their opinions, and yet I let their actions determine how I felt about myself.

So, if the opinions and actions of others don't define me and my self-worth, then what do? Other answers immediately come to mind, but not necessarily the right answers: my education, my home, my car, my family, etc... But isn't that just replacing two evils with a bunch of others? Why am I not just happy with myself and not let others define who I am, should be, or my worth? Then, there is the religious/faith aspect to things that states that it is He, who defines my value. Some days, that brings me comfort; others, not so much. Case in point, my recent employment situation. I find myself saying, "If God really loved me, then why would He allow this to happen to me?" I'm not saying that there's not truth to the argument that God defines my worth, and that as His child I am priceless, but sometimes, it's difficult to actually recognize that.

I read the following about identity and life change on a website today. Maybe I confuse identity with self worth. Read on:

"Change happens to all of us. We will experience physical and mental growth, personal experiences, and changing social situations that will affect our identity. Identity is a person’s sense of placement in the world -- that which tethers us to our self-worth. Our identity can easily be over-inflated when our self-worth is miscalculated. It is healthy to remember, as we mature and circumstances change, that we are not bound by how other people evaluate us."
(http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/self-worth.htm)

As I continue through this journey of reflection after this recent job fiasco, and just life in general, I am sure I will revisit this topic. In the meantime, I'd love to hear what others have to say about self-worth, identity, etc...

Until the lemons stop falling from the tree, I will do my best to continue to make lemonade...

Amanda